


Until It Happens to You

by worldturnedupsidedown



Category: Naruto
Genre: Captivity, Gen, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Torture, Injury to Delay Mission, Murder, Non-Explicit, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Rape/Non-con, Rape Aftermath, Violence, during time skip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-01-23 16:41:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21323353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/worldturnedupsidedown/pseuds/worldturnedupsidedown
Summary: During a mission gone wrong Sakura finds out she and her sensei have more in common than either of them wanted.
Relationships: Haruno Sakura & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 160





	Until It Happens to You

**Author's Note:**

> For anyone who wants more information about the tags and doesn't mind the spoilers, feel free to skip to the author's notes at the end. I tagged this fic mature because it deals with rape and the aftermath, but none of it is explicitly onscreen.

It was always the C-ranks that went wrong for them. Sakura didn't know who was the jinx here, whether it was herself or Kakashi, but, once again, they were on a C-rank which had turned into an A-rank. Well, Sakura had been on the C-rank, Kakashi had been on a B-rank and they had been travelling together before they would go their separate ways. So maybe it was Sakura's fault.

Strangely enough, that didn't help her when staring into the face of her enemy. They knew too much about Kakashi-sensei, and waited until he was almost passed out from chakra-exhaustion after fighting nine high-ranked ninja (though Sakura tried to help where she could) before the two of them were surrounded. Before the two of them could even mount a defence, they were bound with chakra chains - Sakura had just studied them in her lessons with shishou - and being questioned about a scroll Sakura could honestly say she knew nothing about. It probably had something to do with Kakashi's mission and she had just gotten caught in the crossfire.

"Both Konoha ninja?" The leader of the group said. He could be called handsome in any other light, except for the cruel set of his mouth and the malicious glee in his eyes when he saw Kakashi struggling to stand. Sakura wanted to inch closer to Kakashi but didn't want to draw his attention, or realise that Kakashi and Sakura were closer than comrades. Fear made her knees quake but she used all her shishou's lessons to keep her face as blank as possible. Shishou wasn't good at practicing what she preached but she had warned Sakura about giving your enemy the same advantage, especially since Sakura hadn't reached her level yet.

That didn't stop the want to plaster herself against Kakashi's side, a remnant from her genin days when she was sure that nothing bad could happen to her as long as her sensei was next to her.

Kakashi said nothing so Sakura followed her lead. The leader gave the tiniest nod and then fire was racing up and down Sakura's back. She didn't scream, she was proud of that, but the shock of it knocked a gasp out of her and Kakashi turned to look at her, too fast for someone who wasn't taken by surprise.

"Yes, I know who the weaker one of the two is," the leader said again. Sakura grit her teeth against the waves of pain and tried to use the flare of anger that sparked at the leader's words as a barrier against the tears she could feel threatening. "And I know that you are the one who knows where the scroll is. You we have to keep alive but she is disposable if she outlives her usefulness. I will drive the pain higher and higher until you talk."

Sakura met Kakashi's visible eye, none of their captors had wanted to remove the headband for fear of the Sharingan which Kakashi had used to great effect in battle against them, and noted the blankness there. It was the blankness of someone hiding their emotions to such a degree that they couldn't even muster up a mask. It was about as telling as if Kakashi had looked panicked or worried and Sakura could only hope this knowledge came from knowing Kakashi as her sensei, rather than as something everyone else could see.

She turned to look at the leader again and didn't try very hard to disguise the fear she was feeling. Learning about torture and how to resist in her textbooks or in a classroom situation was very different to being tired, in pain and terrified, not only for her life, but also for the pain she was about to experience. She still remembered Iruka-sensei saying that a skilled torturer would make sure you knew what was coming and leave you to wait, so the fear of the horrors to come would do half the work for them.

Sometimes she wished she didn't pay half as much attention in class.

Half a day later, the two of them were outside the building they had been held captive in and watched as it burned. Sakura knew they should move, knowing that the fire lighting up the night sky was one large beacon for every enemy around them but her sensei was staring at the fire with a terrifying concentration.

He wasn't going to let anyone escape and the larger part of Sakura's mind, the softer, emotional part, was glad that he did so. The people who did this to her would be dead, she would be free and the only one who witnessed her weakness was Kakashi-sensei and she knew he wouldn't tell anyone.

Two hours later, they were away from the building and both of them had paused for the night under an unspoken agreement. They had set up camp with the ease of practice and it was only when they stopped and sat down by the fire that Sakura was able to think about what had just happened.

Kakashi put a hand on her shoulder and rather than flinch away, Sakura leaned into him. She wasn't doing the textbook definition of trauma but she had always been a girl who had liked physical contact and at least the men who had done this to her had been violent all the way through, no pretense of caring touches or soft strokes to make her body remember them in the night. No, her pain had been incidental in the whole thing, their goal had been to cause pain to Kakashi.

And wasn't that the worst thing.

"You've got blood on you," Sakura said quietly. She could smell it from where she sat and when she looked at Kakashi, he glanced down at himself.

"So I am." His voice was bland. Sakura remembered the way he had ripped through their captors, leaving many of them alive but unable to move before he started the fire. "Do you want me to rinse it off?"

"Only if it's yours," Sakura admitted. Her sensei killing their kidnappers wasn't the most disturbing thing, or his methods in doing it, it was his rage that scared her. Kakashi had always been in control when he was with Team 7, except for when he was caught in a water prison by a missing nin, and he had completely lost that control inside the hideout. "You didn't have any serious injuries when we were captured, did you gain any while I wasn't looking?"

Kakashi shook his head. He was looking at her with a searching look in his eye, like she was hiding something important from him and he would keep examining her until he found what it was. Sakura returned his stare and found it easy to keep up the staring contest until Kakashi broke away. She didn't feel triumphant, right now all she felt was numb. And cold. Which is why she wanted Kakashi to sit closer and be a good heater.

She fell asleep at some point, not restful sleep, but the sleep of someone who was so exhausted they couldn't keep their eyes open but they were half-aware of the world around them. Sakura jerked awake every time Kakashi shifted slightly and eventually she gave it up as a bad job.

"You know what the worst part was?" Sakura didn't know why she was talking. She would prefer if what had happened was never mentioned again but the words were there and she felt like she would explode if she kept them inside. And when she exploded, it was either anger at the nearest person or floods of tears.

"What, Sakura?" Kakashi's voice sounded of nothing and Sakura couldn't read his expression in the darkness. There was something very comforting about that.

"They hurt me," Sakura said slowly, "but my pain was a side-effect. They weren't out to hurt me, they were out to hurt you. It was like I wasn't... present in my own torture. Like I was just some doll to do what they wanted." It wasn't exactly the kind of sentiment Sakura wanted to express but it was the closest she could get. It was hard to explain to Kakashi how it wasn't the assault that hurt the most, she and the other kunoichi had been taught all about it at the Academy due to the likelihood of them being more likely to experience sexual assault than their male peers and she had tried to prepare herself for that, it was how insignificant she felt. They weren't torturing her to get information out of her, it was her teacher they were trying to break.

"If I was giving them more credit, I would say that feeling was what they were going for," Kakashi said. His voice hadn't changed, hadn't become angry or tearful, it was like Sakura's words hadn't made any impact on him at all when she knew they had.

"But you're not," Sakura said.

"No. I think they didn't think things through enough for that. Yes, they were right in that hurting you would be painful for me to watch. They didn't know you were my student and at one time I was tasked with your protection, but I would have felt pain no matter which Konoha shinobi was in front of me."

"But it was worse because it was me." Sakura wasn't completely ignorant. After Kakashi had started doing harder and harder missions, she had done a little research on her sensei. Many things were classified but there was enough public information available that she knew Kakashi's female teammate had died after Kakashi had rescued her from Lightning ninja. He had succeeded in his rescue, only to lose her on the journey home. Kakashi was right in that he had been tasked with her protection as a genin, and on a lesser note, as the more experienced ninja on their journey, but Sakura was well aware that as the only female member of Team 7 Kakashi would always be a little more involved in keeping her unharmed.

Kakashi shifted beside her. "Yes."

There was silence between them once more and Sakura shivered as she hugged her knees to her chest and inched closer to Kakashi once again. He was stiff but allowed the contact. "When do we have to part ways?"

Kakashi didn't move this time but his stillness was telling. "What do you mean?"

Sakura sighed. "We have our separate missions to complete and neither one is physically hurt enough to justify failing two missions at once." The physical damage the torture had done to her had been incidental, especially since the leader had moved onto more creative forms of torturing Kakashi soon afterwards. If Sakura looked at it clinically, she would say his impatience was what led to his defeat.

"I was injured in our escape. You had to heal me up as much as you could and escort me home so I don't pass out on the way. We will get home and, since neither of our missions are time critical, another chunin and jounin will be sent out." Kakashi's voice was soft and modulated but Sakura didn't have time to worry about his feelings right now, as she twisted in her seat to stare at him in the moonlight.

"You were injured? When was this?" She didn't remember seeing him get hit, though it was very possible considering how she had been worrying about stabbing the men holding her as fast as she could during her escape.

There was a flash of metal and the coppery scent of fresh blood filled the air. "Right now." Kakashi's tone of voice hadn't changed but Sakura quietly freaked out.

"Why did you do that?" She reached out, her hands already lit up green. Kakashi allowed her to examine the wound and stop the bleeding, though he stopped her before she could drain too much chakra.

"Sakura, don't you remember the one thing I've taught you?" The weariness made tears prick in Sakura's eyes, the first ones of this whole mess. "Those who break the rules are scum..."

"But those who abandon their teammates are worse than scum," Sakura finished. "You wouldn't have been abandoning me."

"Yes, I would have." And that was the end of the conversation.

They set off early in the morning. Sakura had had another look at Kakashi's wound. The bleeding had stopped but there was a redness around it that she didn't like. Out here and with the supplies she had, all she could do was bind it with clean bandages and keep a close eye on Kakashi. Her sensei didn't seem concerned and brushed off her worries with claims he had worse and survived.

Kakashi's actions had been reckless and dangerous but Sakura could have cried when she saw the familiar skyline of Konoha and the mountain. There was something about the comfort of home that had everything seem far more real than anything else.

"We report to the Hokage," Kakashi said as they approached. Sakura didn't argue, but only because she knew that Tsunade and Shizune would heal Kakashi, or at least let her heal him.

"I know, Kakashi-sensei," she murmured. He said nothing as they flashed a greeting at the gate guard but didn't stop, continuing over the roofs of Konoha to arrive at the Hokage tower. Tsunade liked to move her office around. She said it was to confuse any assassination attempts but Sakura was pretty sure the main reason was to make people complain about that, rather than her drinking.

"Hatake, how many times do I have to tell you to go to the hospital first if you're injured," Tsunade said as she caught sight of the blood. Sakura was a little in awe of how she could pinpoint a person's injuries within seconds of meeting them.

"We had to report first." Kakashi didn't sound like himself and Tsunade straightened up, her face settling into what Shizune and Sakura called her 'serious face' behind her back. Every other time she had a little bit of amusement in her eyes, like she was laughing at the world, but never when she wore her serious face.

"What's happened? What's wrong?"

"Nothing like that!" Sakura waved her hands. Her teacher obviously thought something had happened that was going to bring about a new war. "Nothing so serious."

"Sakura," Kakashi said quietly and she glanced at him.

"Well, it isn't. Shishou thinks we're coming to say that we started a war with Sound or something and it's nothing like that." Sakura stared at her teacher and he gave a reluctant nod.

"No, it's not related to the mission." Tsunade nodded but a look of confusion was allowed to pass her face.

"My medical room then. I won't need any of my bodyguards in there." Her voice raised ever so slightly for the last sentence and Sakura got the sense of someone leaving.

The hospital was two streets away from the Hokage tower, but Tsunade had her own medical room in the tower. It allowed for her to look up something quickly or to experiment, or to be treated in a secure room of her own devising. Sakura had never been in it before, although she had known it was there, and she looked around with interest, only partly to take her mind off what was going to come next.

"On the table, Hatake." Tsunade didn't gesture or repeat herself but when Kakashi hesitated, her eyebrows started to lift. Kakashi looked at Sakura and she inched herself closer.

"Sakura, you're going to have to wait outside," Tsunade said, misinterpreting Kakashi's reaction.

"No," he said firmly. "Sakura can turn around if she wants but she stays in sight." Sakura didn't say anything to disagree. It felt weird but she was glad that Kakashi had said it first. She felt a lot more comfortable if he was nearby, even if it did make her feel foolish. No one was going to hurt her in Konoha, she was sure.

That didn't stop her relief when she could feel her sensei's reassuring chakra nearby. Tsunade didn't question them anymore, though Sakura was sure that was coming afterwards, only treated Kakashi without another word. Sakura didn't turn around but instead watched with interest at what Tsunade was doing. She built on what Sakura had already done, weaving her chakra together so Kakashi was fixed up from the inside out. Her teacher's sharp eyes caught everything and Sakura smiled as she watched her mentor work.

"That's amazing," she breathed as she leaned closer to examine Tsunade's stitches, done only with chakra. Tsunade gave her a smile, though it was smaller and grimmer than Sakura was used to.

"I'm going to guess that's your only major injury, Kakashi," Tsunade said as she washed her hands. Kakashi pulled up his trousers and seemed far more cheerful than before.

"Apart from some chakra exhaustion, I'm good as new." He turned his visible eye on Sakura. Nothing was said but Sakura could read the question in his eyes. He would do the confession and he wouldn't think anything less of her, that much was obvious, but Sakura would think less of herself. She had been prepared for this and though it happened younger than any of her teachers probably expected, she had still known it was possible.

"Shishou," she started and then faltered. She kept her gaze on Kakashi, though she couldn't look him in the eye any longer. Instead, she focused on his jounin vest, a few dark spots of blood remaining from where her teacher had killed every person in the hideout. "Shishou, I need a rape kit."

There was a gasp from Shizune but no sound from the Hokage herself. Sakura didn't look at anyone else in the room, she kept her gaze on Kakashi's vest.

"Alright." There was no trace of pity or anything in Tsunade's voice. She was as professional as she was with her patients. "Shizune, please go and get the kit." There was a slam of the door. "I'm assuming we don't need to worry about the identity of the people who did this to you."

Sakura shook her head. "A medical checkup only."

"Right then. Kakashi, off the bed. Sakura, do you want Kakashi here?" Sakura nodded. "In that case, there's a bathroom behind the bookcase. I think I have a gown somewhere around." Sakura finally turned away from her examination of the bloodstains on the vest and took the gown off Tsunade. The bathroom was small and neat and for the first time since it happened, Sakura was alone. She didn't like it and changed as quickly as possible. When she opened the door, she could hear her teachers talking with each other.

"I'm assuming they're all dead?" Tsunade asked.

"Every single one," Kakashi promised. Sakura opened the door a little wider and the conversation stopped. She felt even younger in the hospital gown as it hung down to her calves and swamped her. She had left her clothes in the bathroom, though she had brought her weapons pouches with her.

"Kakashi-sensei, can you hold this please?" She handed him her belt and satchel, as well as several weapon pouches that she wore on her legs. He took them just as Shizune came back in. Sakura dropped her gaze, not wanting to see whatever was in her friend's eyes when they looked at her. Maybe after the exam, but not right now.

"Last chance for me to send Kakashi away, Sakura," Tsunade said as Sakura inched her way onto the bed. She could have easily manoeuvred herself onto the surface but the thought of what came next made her movements reluctant.

She shook her head. Kakashi may not have been able to prevent what had happened to her, much as they both wished he had, but he had given her the chance to dispatch the man herself. And then he had made sure no one else survived.

The four of them got into position, Sakura with her head to the door, Kakashi facing her and the door. Shizune and Tsunade down at her legs and gently encouraging her to bend and part her legs. Kakashi couldn't see anything but Sakura hated the feeling of vulnerability. She had always disliked exams like this, but considering it was the exact same position they had her in back at the hideout, it made her break out into a cold sweat.

_It's just Tsunade and Shizune,_ Sakura thought to herself but that did nothing to stop her heart pounding.

"Sakura?" Kakashi asked cautiously.

"Talk to me, Kakashi-sensei," she begged. "Take my mind off it. Tell me about how you created the Chidori, or why you like those books so much."

"Okay, Sakura." He took a deep breath and Sakura turned to look at him. He appeared deep in thought and Shizune's hand moved to Sakura's lower stomach, her medical chakra seeking out any diseases that may be trying to get a foothold. Sakura stiffened and one hand reached up to grab the front of Kakashi's vest. Not his hand, he would need them to defend her if anything happened, but she needed to make sure he was close by.

"Did I ever tell you about my teammates?" The question was abrupt but the subject had Sakura staring at his face directly, surprise taking her mind off the exam for a brief second. She shook her head when it looked like Kakashi wanted an answer. He didn't look at her as he talked but he didn't move and she listened with rapt attention. "Obito and Rin. Obito was sort of like Naruto, brash and loud and always, always late. Rin, you remind me of her. Not only because you're both medical ninja or how you're stuck in the middle of two feuding teammates, but you have the same kind of mind as her. Very analytical. She could look at a situation and know what needed to be done."

He paused and Tsunade's hand, cooler than Shizune's, started the internal examination. Sakura swallowed and tried frantically to hold back the tears.

"Is that what happened on your last mission together?" The question was blurted out before she considered the wisdom of what she was asking. Kakashi froze underneath her hand.

"What?"

"It's a matter of public record." Sakura tried not to sound too defensive but her voice broke halfway through when Tsunade hit a bruise.

"Sorry, Sakura," she said quietly. Kakashi almost turned to look, instinctively, but froze as he remembered what was going on.

"You rescued her from where she had been captured and then she was killed on the way home." Sakura pressed her lips together, both to stop more words or sobs coming out of her mouth. Kakashi was looking at her now but she didn't want to look him in the eye.

"Yes, that is what happened. Rin had always been far more pragmatic than I have, whether I was rigidly following the shinobi code or not. She saw what had to be done for the good of Konoha and knew my protests sprung from sentimentality. Then she carried out her course of action."

That didn't really answer the question she had asked but when Sakura found the courage to look up at her teacher's face, he had a distant look in his eye. She would not press him for more.

Another burst of warm, healing chakra and both Shizune and Tsunade withdrew.

"All finished. Well done, Sakura." Tsunade gave her a rare smile and Sakura returned it shakily. When she sat up, bruises she hadn't known she had were gone. The sensation was still there but it was a phantom memory and something she was sure she would never be truly free of.

"Can I get dressed again?" She hopped off the bed and hurried over to the bathroom. The clothes she had been wearing at the time had been discarded at the scene, and she didn't want to lose another pair of the black shorts she had grown to love. She was thinking about getting rid of her long dress altogether, and just having a red top instead.

She could hear the murmuring of voices from the room and, once again, she opened the door slowly and carefully.

"I presume this is why you stabbed yourself in the thigh?" Tsunade was asking Kakashi as Sakura came back into the room. He glanced at her, an assessing glance to make sure she was alright, and then back at Tsunade.

"However did you guess?" His voice was light again, but the expression in his eye remained tight and serious. "Sakura was talking about continuing on our separate missions and I wouldn't do that."

"Sakura," Shizune sounded horrified and Sakura felt a flare of irritation.

"Neither of our injuries were bad enough to prevent us from continuing. That exam wasn't urgent, it could have waited until I had picked up the scroll you wanted me to get." Sakura folded her arms and hated the look on Shizune's face. Tsunade's mouth was twisted in amusement, though her eyes remained serious, and Sakura didn't know whether that was better or worse.

"Sakura, I believe in that situation you are free to come back and recover. Your mission wasn't time-critical."

"But what about Kakashi-sensei's?" she asked.

"My mission was the only reason you were in that situation in the first place," Kakashi's voice had gone all tight and the atmosphere in the room changed. No killing intent, nothing that would bring the ANBU in, but Shizune shifted slightly and Tsunade's gaze went to him.

Sakura remembered how he was in the hideout and didn't feel any fear. Kakashi was in full possession of his senses, he wouldn't hurt her or any ally. She moved closer towards him and he shifted his weight so he was between her and the door, but also her and the other two shinobi in the room.

She knew what was bothering him. "Kakashi-sensei, if we hadn't been travelling together, I would have run into them alone. If they had found me first, they would have killed me. If they had found me second, then I would have been used just the same."

"Report, Hatake Kakashi."

Kakashi straightened and Sakura listened as he described their fight, their opponents and what happened in the hideout with a clinical detachment which she envied right now. The numbness was creeping back but she didn't think she would be able to describe everything that had happened with the detail Kakashi was doing. It was interesting to hear it from his perspective though, of how he used her trying to fight her way out of their hold as a distraction to slip his way almost completely out of his manacles. The men holding her had been quicker than he had expected and there had been some penetration before he could intervene.

The blood from the man's throat had splashed onto her dress, another reason she had been glad to leave it behind. He was the first man she had killed but she was glad she had been the one to do it.

Tsunade listened to the report with a carefully blank face, though Sakura noticed her hands tightening into fists. After he was done, there came a jagged nod.

"Good. Hatake Kakashi, mandatory three day recovery period for chakra exhaustion. Haruno Sakura, mandatory seven day recovery period for torture. No objections? Good."

Sakura had opened her mouth to object (what would Ino say when Sakura looked okay but got seven days off?) but didn't care enough to actually form a protest.

"Sakura, I don't want you to be anywhere near the hospital for those seven days. Studying, fine, but no patients. Two days no physical training for both of you. Sakura, you make sure he doesn't go anywhere near the training ground. Guilt trip him if you have to. After that, I'm going to find you and start training again." Sakura nodded. She was glad it wasn't the whole seven days she couldn't train, she would drive herself mad and then the questions would really come. "Mandatory counselling for both of you, one session for you, Kakashi and three sessions for you, Sakura. More if you want to."

Sakura made a face. She knew why Tsunade had made the sessions mandatory but that didn't mean she had to like it. Tsunade's smile was like a sharp knife at Sakura's reaction but she said nothing.

"You've got tonight off from studying, Sakura, but tomorrow come and find me and I'll give you a project to keep you busy." There was a gleam in her eyes that was more than a little terrifying but Sakura was sure it would keep her mind busy. Exactly what she wanted.

"Thanks, shishou."

Kakashi gave her a side glance. "Hokage-sama, do you really think...?"

"Questions, comments and concerns can wait until tomorrow. Go home, eat, shower, rest. No work for either of you." The two of them left Tsunade's medical room, a little lighter in the steps.

"Kakashi-sensei," Sakura said and then hesitated. He stopped and looked back at her. "Can I stay at your place tonight?" She felt cheeky for asking but she still lived at home with her parents. They would be loving and smothering her with hugs, something that Sakura couldn't deal with right now. She couldn't handle their reactions when she told them either, not tonight.

"My place doesn't have a lot of room," Kakashi said, his tone casual. Sakura bit her lip and took it as a carefully worded rejection. Her teacher sighed. "That doesn't mean I'm saying no. I just wanted to give you warning."

"So that's a yes?" She brightened as she almost skipped up to his side. "Thanks, Kakashi-sensei."

"Be a jounin-sensei, they said," Kakashi muttered, more to himself than to Sakura. "Pass on your knowledge to the next generation, they said. Nobody warned me about genin who stick to you like leeches."

Sakura smiled as she listened to Kakashi talk to himself. "Can we get takeout on the way home?"

That stopped the muttering. "Good idea. Where were you thinking?"

"Ramen." She missed her loud teammate more than ever and right now, she wanted the comfort food.

"Of course you do." Another long-suffering sigh from Kakashi but he redirected his steps. They were ambling through Konoha, enjoying the rhythm of their home, but Sakura felt herself moving a little closer to her teacher when a shopkeeper got a little too close. Kakashi made no sign that he had noticed but he was Hatake Kakashi so there was no chance it had passed him by. Embarrassing or not, Sakura was glad when they got back to Kakashi's apartment with the takeaway ramen. Teuchi and Ayame were as friendly as ever and stayed behind the counter, which was something Sakura found herself very grateful for today. She was able to act almost normally the way home, though she breathed a sigh of relief when there was a door between her and the rest of the world.

Kakashi hadn't been lying; his apartment was small. One room with a bed, a desk and a couple of bookshelves. They had passed a shared kitchen and a bathroom on the way to his apartment and from what Sakura could tell, this was standard jounin apartments.

"You're right, this is small." She walked over to the bookshelf and started to glance through his books. To her surprise, only one shelf had his Icha Icha books (brightly coloured spines taking up the bottom shelf of the bookshelf overlooking the bed), while the others were manuals to do with ninjutsu, genjutsu, sealing and even a medical ninjutsu book.

"I didn't know you knew anything about medicial ninjutsu." Sakura turned to look at her teacher, only to find him fiddling with a portable stove he pulled out from under his desk. There was a metal tea kettle, a teapot and two cups already set out.

"It's interesting." Kakashi lifted a large bottle of water from where it was also stored under the desk and poured it into the kettle. "Tea?" Sakura nodded her head and settled back to watch her teacher work. There was something soothing about the familiar motions, though this was a different environment, and she half-listened to Kakashi as he went on talking. "It's useful on some missions where I'm without a medic and I would prefer a wound to stop bleeding. I'm never going to be incredibly skilled at it, I don't have your chakra control, but I can get by and it's good to understand at least a little of it."

Sakura glowed at her teacher's praise. Kakashi settled the stove on the floor and the kettle on the stove and backed off to open the window beside the desk.

"You saw the bathroom on the way in?" Sakura nodded and Kakashi returned it, satisfied that his job as host was done. Instead he sat in the desk chair and looked at her. "Sakura, you will have to go home sometime."

Just like that, Sakura's peaceful bubble was gone. She turned her head to look out the window, not answering Kakashi's question. He waited, because he could be very patient when he wanted to be, and eventually the kettle whistled in between them.

It was easier to talk when she had the cup of tea between her hands. Her gloves were off and the tea was too hot to hold, but Sakura wanted to concentrate on the stinging sensation of the burn, rather than on what they were talking about.

"I know I will." A sip of the tea, hot enough to burn her tongue. "But my parents would want to hug me and welcome me home and right now, I can't think of anything worse."

Kakashi's first cup of tea had disappeared, though this time Sakura hadn't tried to look under his mask. He poured himself another. "Are you going to tell them what happened?"

There was no judgement in his voice and it was that, more than anything else, that meant Sakura told him the truth. "No. I don't think so."

"Why not?"

Sakura turned over her words carefully. Sometimes things got tangled on the way out of her head and she didn't want Kakashi to get the wrong impression, especially of her parents. "My parents love me. But they won't react well to this and they'll do it quite outwardly." None of the restrained emotions of the Uchiha or the Hyuuga, or the controlled calm of Kakashi-sensei, both her mother and father wore their hearts on their sleeve. "I don't normally mind... but with this, it would just make it ten times worse." It hadn't hit her yet, not properly, and Sakura knew from the hospital that she would get flashbacks at odd times and she didn't know how she was going to handle her first serious relationship, but she was dealing with it. But with her mother weeping and her father stomping around wishing death on the ones who did this to her (whether or not they were still alive), the memories would come roaring back and this time with added weight behind them. "Not to mention, they'll want me to quit being a ninja." And there was no way Sakura could handle defending her chosen profession at the same time as dealing the fact that she had been raped in the course of that profession. "There's only so much I can deal with at a time."

This seemed to make perfect sense to Kakashi, who nodded. He looked like he was thinking something over, turning the cup of tea round and round in his hands but not actually drinking it. "When this happened to me, I hated it when people found out."

Her mind went blank. "It happened to you?"

Kakashi nodded and didn't look at her. "I graduated the Academy at five and made Chunin at eight. We were gearing up for a war which meant I was sent on more and more missions that probably should have gone to a more experienced ninja than I. On one of these missions, I got overconfident and was captured. I was a delicate looking child and one of the enemy ninja liked that. I was rescued by the man who became my sensei, Minato Namikaze. He knew and a few other people found out, either through the medical exam or the mission report. But I hated the look in their eyes after they found out."

"What was it?" She hadn't managed to look Tsunade and Shizune fully in the eyes after she had told them and she thought it would take a while before she could.

"Pity," Kakashi said flatly. "Or worse, you could see some of them thought I was weaker because of it, or because I let it happen. I thought that for a while, at least until my sensei corrected me."

"What did he say to you?"

Now Kakashi looked her in the eye. "He said it happened to more ninja than I would ever have guessed and to think the survivors weak was a weakness of the mind all of its own and it played into the enemy's hands. Then he discreetly introduced me to other shinobi who had undergone the same assault, though none as young as I, and I was able to see for myself. Strong, powerful shinobi who had been captured by an enemy who thought the act would shame them."

Sakura tried to smile. "He sounds like a good sensei." She had known the Fourth Hokage was her sensei's sensei, she had learnt that from her research, but to her the Yondaime had always been an elusive, god-like figure and was the reason why Kakashi was so powerful. It was funny to hear him behaving like a sensei, like an ordinary person whose young student had undergone something horrible and didn't know how to help him.

"He was."

"We're taught about it in the Academy," Sakura said with sudden boldness. "They talk about what happens and why it happens and how you're going to feel afterward, but it's all fine to talk about how you should act and how you will feel, but when it actually happens it's different." She did far more panicking than she thought she would have done for one.

"It is," Kakashi said simply. "But I'm glad you got the training. I didn't have that and found the assault completely unexpected and I didn't handle the surprise well."

"How did your parents handle it when you told them?"

Kakashi stopped turning his cup. "I was an orphan by that point."

Her cheeks reddened and she dropped her gaze to her own cup of tea. "I'm sorry. I didn't know."

"I didn't tell you, that's why." Kakashi put his cup down. "More tea?" Sakura nodded as she took the last sip of her tea. There was something comforting about the warm beverage as they talked, something concrete to hold onto.

"Do you think I should tell my parents?" she asked.

"I'm probably not the right person to ask," Kakashi warned, but he glanced at her and she heard the now familiar sigh. "It's up to you, Sakura. But don't tell them for their own sake, tell them for yours. If you think things would be easier or better for you if they knew about it, then tell them. Or get me to tell them. It won't be fun." Kakashi's grimace could be seen through the mask. "But I'll do it. However, you have me, the Hokage and Shizune who all know. Anyone else it's up to you."

"I don't want you to tell them, not right now at least." Sakura thought about it some more. "I might tell Ino one day, because she would understand. Or partly understand at least." She didn't think anyone would really understand until it happened to them, and she didn't want Ino to ever really understand. Another thought occurred to her. "Did you go to the counselling?"

Kakashi shook his head. "It wasn't mandatory at that point. I barely went to the mandatory counselling after my father killed himself so if it wasn't an order, there was no chance I was going."

"Do you think I should go?"

"Apart from it being mandatory? Yes, I do. They know what they're talking about and I know my way of dealing with it wasn't the healthiest way, so it would be good to get new tips."

"How did you deal with it?" Sakura was now morbidly curious. This was a whole new side to her teacher and she felt reckless, like she could say anything into the open air and Kakashi would just nod and accept it.

"Nope." Kakashi's voice was back to being cheerful and laidback, an excellent mask now Sakura thought about it. She gave him a half-hearted glare but didn't press, instead choosing to drink her tea. She yawned as soon as it was done and Kakashi levered himself up from the chair.

"You want something to sleep in?" Sakura nodded her thanks and Kakashi handed her a pair of worn jounin blacks. The top of it came to mid-thigh on her, resembling a short dress though the mask bit at the neck made her laugh.

"Do you get your clothes specially made or something?"

Kakashi rolled his eyes. "You going to the bathroom and change or what?" He was back to being his usual self. It was like the conversation never happened, except it did and Sakura felt less alone because of it.

"Kakashi-sensei." She shuffled her feet, feeling a little stupid about the request she was about to make. Not stupid enough not to make it. "Would you guard the bathroom door?" She ducked her head as she felt her cheeks redden.

"Of course," Kakashi answered as if this wasn't an unusual request and maybe to him it wasn't. Still, when Sakura went into the bathroom, he was leaning against the wall outside, his orange book in hand. He didn't consider Konoha itself to be threatening enough to put the book away but he understood Sakura's want for a guard enough that he was okay to stand by the door.

It meant that Sakura took the chance to have a shower, something she hadn't done since leaving the hideout. As she ran her hands over her body to rinse herself, she shivered as she felt the phantom hands of her captors on her skin. There was nothing available to scrub the feeling away so she grit her teeth and turned the water up as hot as it went.

She was just rinsing her mouth out (she had forgotten to ask Kakashi about a toothbrush) when she heard someone outside talking to Kakashi. She froze and then spat as quietly as she could. She was more covered than she was in her normal clothes, since she had put the trousers of the blacks on and they swamped her ankles, but she felt even more vulnerable than normal.

She could remain in the bathroom... but the other jounin was sure to know that she was in here, it wasn't like she was concealing her chakra. And she really would prefer to have her sensei in sight.

Mind made up, she slid open the bathroom door and came face to face with a green-clad jounin who was all too familiar to her.

"Gai-san." She gave him a polite bow but inched closer to her own sensei in order to make it clear that she really didn't want any of his effusive hugs. Not that he seemed to hug anyone apart from Lee, but you never knew with some people.

Gai gave her a blinding smile. "Sakura-san! It is good to see my student's fair love looking so well."

He was being kind, she was sure, but his optimism had her smiling all the same. "Thank you, Gai-san."

"Your studies at the hospital are going well? I hear you are the pride of Hokage-sama!"

An odd way to put it but Sakura appreciated the compliment. "Really well, thank you. I'm going to be doing a lot of studying over the next few days while I'm making sure Kakashi-sensei doesn't train so I'm hoping I can move forward."

Gai gasped threatically. "No training? My eternal rival, you forgot to mention that." He sounded almost scolding and Sakura bit back a giggle.

"People forgot to mention your students throwing you into the bear pit when you become a jounin-sensei," Kakashi said wryly. "I'm fine, Gai, just a mild case of chakra exhaustion."

Gai's gaze sharpened and Sakura had the uncomfortable feeling that he was seeing what they weren't saying, but he smiled again and the glint of understanding was gone. "Of course, my rival! I must prepare a good challenge when you are feeling better." Both thumbs came up but the movement had Sakura flinching, something she was sure hadn't gone unnoticed. Gai didn't change his behaviour or look at her differently so maybe he didn't know what it meant. "Sakura-san, you are staying with my rival for the night?" She nodded. "I shall not enter Kakashi's apartment without your joint permission but, if you permit it, I will guard your slumber as well."

Sakura blinked. Gai knew. She didn't know how he knew because Kakashi wouldn't tell him, especially in an open environment like the hallway, but he knew exactly why she was staying with Kakashi. "Thank you, Gai-san." She especially appreciated him mentioning that he wouldn't barge in without their permission.

"Thanks, Gai," her sensei said quietly from next to her. Gai nodded and gave them both another grin before retreating back to the apartment door next to Kakashi's.

"He's your neighbour?" Sakura asked quietly as they moved together back to Kakashi's.

"Neighbour, bane of my life, take your pick." Kakashi's voice was back to being sardonic again and Sakura didn't ask anything more.

Kakashi insisted on her taking the bed and he took the floor, lying in between her and the door, but Sakura felt herself tossing and turning. Her sensei was too well disciplined for his breathing to be loud enough to be heard by Sakura, even when he was sleeping, and it was like she was alone in the room.

She had the mad thought of getting up and joining Kakashi on the floor but she was pretty sure Kakashi had limits to what he was willing to do and sharing a bed with his young student was likely one of them, no matter how innocent the actual matter was.

Suddenly she stumbled across a brilliant idea. Drawing her pillow down with her, she crawled underneath the blankets until her head popped out the other end. The pillow at the foot end of the bed, she was able to see the outline of her sensei highlighted by the dim light coming from the window.

"Will you stop squirming now?" Kakashi's voice was amused but at least this time he didn't make her jump.

"Yep." It was easy to settle down to sleep when she could see Kakashi's shadow in front of her. She wasn't alone, he was right here with her.

She woke the next morning, feeling unsettled and tired. She had slept the night through from what she could remember but it had been a broken sleep, filled with people coming out of the dark and a feeling of being trapped. She hadn't been able to scream and that feeling of helplessness followed her when she woke up.

Kakashi was awake and dressed, preparing the stove again for tea. Two bentos rested on the desk and Sakura wondered when he had gone to get them.

"Gai brought them around." He seemed to guess what she was thinking even without looking at her. "I'm guessing you didn't sleep well."

"How did you know?" Sakura levered herself up and experienced a split second of disorientation before she remembered why she was sleeping at the opposite end of the bed. "Was it the same for you?"

"Oh, no. I was dosed with painkillers and slept the sleep of the blissfully drugged. And then I didn't like to sleep at all so sensei would have to knock me out when he thought I needed to get some proper sleep."

Sakura titled her head when she looked at him. "You weren't joking when you said you didn't handle it well." Kakashi pointed one finger at her like a teacher pointing out the student with the correct answer.

"Give the girl a prize. Do you want your breakfast before or after you get dressed?"

"Before please." There was something different about eating breakfast in bed in her pyjamas. It was similar to the childish dreams you had about being an adult, being able to do what you wanted and eat what you wanted, and then realising them. It wasn't happiness as such, but it had a kind of guilty thrill to it.

Sakura looked down at her half-full bowl and then at her teacher. If she had told younger her that someday she would be eating breakfast with her powerful jounin-sensei, she would have laughed at herself.

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura waited until he looked up. "Thanks." The word was paltry compared to the emotions filling Sakura right now, the comfort in knowing the men who did this to her were dead, the relief at having someone with her who understood and the feeling of not being alone. Team 7 was split up but Sakura had found her sensei among the ruins. Not the man before the Chunin exams who had been Sasuke's mentor, Naruto's teacher and Sakura's distant colleague, but her sensei.

"You're welcome, Sakura." Kakashi, master of seeing underneath the underneath, understood the lack of words.

**Author's Note:**

> Sakura is raped off-screen by OCs and her rapists die shortly afterward. She has an exam (on screen but non-explicit). During the aftermath, Kakashi reveals he was raped as a child.


End file.
